Friday evening at 8:19 and I am sitting on my bed on the fourth floor of the Pickwick Hostel. I didn't get quite so breathless ascending tonight. This is good. This is progress.
I ran tonight by myself in Russell Square for about forty minutes, and it was wonderful. I listened to Josh Garrels' "Love & War & the Sea in Between." Not exactly music to "pump" oneself up, but for some reason it is just what I needed. His music is achingly human and longing. The intimacy with the Lord that he has is so evident within his music and that nearly brought me to tears as I was running. I got a hold on myself quickly. Crying while running is not the best idea, especially not in a city that seems so emotionally distant.
Being in London has been a great experience in terms of things to see and, for lack of a better word, experience. Emotionally, it has been very difficult. It is a city of millions and everyone is in their own world. It is almost oppressive how lonely I feel as I stand on the train, surrounded on all sides, bodies pressed up against me, yet no one is making eye contact. I find no reason to smile as I walk the streets of London alone. For those who balk at the idea of me being alone in a big city, please don't worry. With my personality, I have to be alone at least 3.87 hours per day or I go crazy. As far as safety goes, I keep to well-populated streets or extremely close to our hostel. Honestly, living in fear is no way to live. I can't be constantly afraid that I am going to be kidnapped, mugged, or raped all the time. I am vigilant and safe, just not paranoid. End of digression.
A song called "The Resistance" is playing in my earphones right now. Yes, it is a Josh Garrels original. He is my current musical obsession. (Check him out, all his music is FREE on NoiseTrade!) A line says "How do good men become a part of the regime? They don't believe in resistance." This speaks to me so strongly about not giving up in the face of a society that has been given over to the Prince of this World. As a believer in Christ, I truly feel the oppression of a post-Christian society. But I also feel oppressed in the Bible Belt. Spiritual warfare is everywhere. I would be a fool if I didn't accept the fact that my battle is not against fleshly foes, but in the mind, in the spirit, and of the unseen realms.
Being away from my spiritual community is very difficult. As I said in a previous post, church was attended by tourists. I miss the Vista back in Belton, I miss John and Christi Barnes, I miss my small group of friends with whom I could discuss anything spiritual. Being away from that is a huge test, one that, to be true, I have been failing miserably as of late. I have been letting the spiritual atmosphere of London depress me and pull me in to my own mind, rather than pulling ever closer to the Lord. Those who are keeping up with this blog, please pray for me to be strong.
I am now listening to a beautiful song based upon the story of Ulysses. For those unfamiliar with this, Ulysses was away from home for over a decade fighting for the Greeks in the Trojan War. His journey home is chronicled in The Odyssey. I'll post the lyrics here:
I’m holding on to the hope that one day this could be made right.
I’ve been shipwrecked, and left for dead, and I have seen the darkest sights.
Everyone I’ve loved seems like a stranger in the night
But Oh my heart still burns, tells me to return, and search the fading light.
I’m sailing home to you I wont be long
By the light of moon I will press on
Until, I find, my love
Trouble has beset my ways, and wicked winds have blown
Sirens call my name, they say they’ll ease my pain, then break me on the stones
But true love is the burden that will carry me back home
Carry me with the, memories of the, beauty I have known
I’m sailing home to you I wont be long
By the light of moon I will press on
So tie me to the mast of this old ship and point me home
Before I lose the one I love, before my chance is gone
I want to hold, her in, my arms
For me, this is a deeply spiritual song, a metaphor if you will. I feel as if I am Ulysses, and his Penelope is my Jesus. The longing in Josh's voice expresses the longing in my soul for just a glimpse of my Savior, for a chance to be held. Someday...
As I posted on my other blog (http://findingandalusia.blogspot.com) there was suicide the other day on the train tracks. Honestly, to think of it sickens me. I ride the Tube daily, and I cannot get the image of someone hurling themselves in front of the train out of my head when I am waiting for my train. What brings someone to that level of desperation? What causes someone to abandon all hope? For me, even when the moment seems like my own personal Hell on Earth, I have always retained a Hope of a better future, even a better tomorrow. That kept me going, and keeps me going still. I hurt for this person who was so deceived as to believe that there was no Hope and no Future. I do pray he has found his peace...
Tomorrow, we are going to Dover Castle and Canterbury. We leave at 7:45 AM. Which is 1:45 in the morning to all you lovely folks back home! I will be sure to take pictures and post. Here are some pictures from the last week:
A chapel near Westminster Abbey.
The Banqueting House on Whitehall where Charles I lost his head. That is his effigy above the door.
St. Martin-in-the-Fields, the church that overlooks Trafalgar Square. 
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